Que sera sera, What will I be, I will be..

by Anita Menon

Just wondering, how does a person know what his or her true calling is in life! I have been struggling with this question for the past 5 years now. Getting placed with an Indian IT major from campus was a happy moment for me but right from the first day onwards I realized the rythm amiss. Not that I was always with the beat  but this felt so wrong and wrong it felt for the next four years. What made me stay there for all that time- Inertia. Now I dont work anymore and I feel the four years wasted could have been put to etter use. Better use such as…… As a child I was told I had to be a doctor and so I always felt like a doctor. Dr. Anita Menon sounded good too. But as the marks in examinations determine what you can or cannot be, I had to choose the lesser stream, of that of an engineer. Er. Anita Menon, didnt sound that bad either! So here I am, an engineer, not a hands – on one though. Did I feel like an engineer inside? No, not at all. But my parents felt good about it  and so it was okay with me. I never truly asked myself back then, what I wanted to be because I wasnt sure whether I was allowed to make that decision. So I lead a sheep like existence, not questioning and doing as I was told to do. I enjoyed a few things like singing, dancing and sports and was quite good at it all. But making a career out of it seemed so silly.

Today when I see the whole reality show generation, I feel I was  born a bit too early. Had I been a part of the current generation, I would have defiinitely tried participating in a dozen or two. Would that have given me more satisfaction, I dont know but atleast I would have tried.  Today as I type this piece, I know, that ship has sailed! So the question still haunts me “what do I want to do with my life?” Keeping that thought, I wanted to know the possibilities and how my life would be any different if I chose a different profession. Before that I wanted to make a list of professions I would never choose.

1. Acting

2. Modelling

3. Teaching

4. Driving instructor

5.  Swimming Coach

6. Cricketer

7.  A beautician which includes a make up artist, hair stylist et al

8. M.C.

9. A Politician

10.

So what will I like to be-

1.  I could have been a performer, just like Madonna who happens to be my idol for time immemorial. Singing & dancing come naturally to me and to perform has been my dream for as long as I can remember. All the stage shows, I recollect, I enjoyed to the maximum. An inborn talent that my parents nutured but only to be pursued as a hobby. Having won prizes in almost all the competitions I participated, I never paid any serious attention to it  “because it was JUST a hobby”
Had I pursued that, I would have enjoyed going to work every single day and also the perks of staying fit all the time by dancing. I love the fame and the attention as a result of being good at it- A missed opportunity is how I would put it.

2. A fitness instructor with a gym/class of my own. I love running and running the marathon is a my dream that I would fulfill one day for sure. But to do that,its important that I stay fit. A fitness enthusiast, I do know a thing or two about staying fit and what goes into it. Having gymed ( is that even a word) for the past 6 years, its ingrained in me to work out and enjoy it immensely. Overtime I have grown confident about what goes into losing those pounds and being toned. I immensely enjoy imparting fitness tips to my friends and colleagues and I wish I could become one after undergoing the necessary training in it. What a sure shot way to staying fit and healthy all my life. I have given it a thought or two and wish to combine yoga with pilates and come up with something called piloga or yolates which would be a combination of both. Icould have become the tough task master in the reality show “Fastest loser”

3. A nutritionist – I enjoyed reading about health, health food and drink and how they effect our over all well being. My colleagues count on me to tell them something about what to eat and what not. This even includes coming up all the regular recipes with just half the calories. I could combine this with my love for cooking and become a celebrity chef. I could have participated in “Hell’s kitchen” with Gordon Ramsey and taught me a bit of manners. that bloody brit!

4.  A fashion designer. Yes! I love clothes and shop for beautiful clothes. Wearing fabulous clothes makes me feel good and I always have to be well turned out. My style as I would describe it would be elegant and classy. I like a little glamour and a little shimmer in every aspect of my life. I have a strong feeling I could have done excellently at designing clothes and I have a inane ability to sense what might look good on people. Every person has a story to tell and that can be expressed beautifully through the clothes they choose to wear- that is how important, I think  choice of garment is in your life. Wearing the wrong kind would give the wrong signal all the way. I am all for the clothes with the perfect cut and that which are timeless and can be worn for years and years. I could have then participated in Project Runway and dressed Heidi Klum.

5. A writer like JK Rowling and Stephenie Meyer. I know I have a story to tell and its only a matter of time that it makes it way to becoming a book.

6. A painter- only that I will have to train since I am not exceptional at it.

7.An event manager- I love to plan and organize and I have inborn ability of being meticulous. I see this as quite achievable but have been dissuaded by one and all.

8. A librarian solely because of the access to books free of cost and in fact being paid  for being so close to books

9. A travel show host but I hate public speaking so that is kind of conflicting. But travelling around the world, I willl do, no matter what.

10. A scientist and to be involved in finding out a solution to global warming

That culminates my list for now but I know I can think of some more but right now I am quite content being a mom to my lovely daughter, Anumita. All is well.. till the time I again start to feel restless about what is my true calling in life.

Maybe I could be a spiritual leader …….more later…

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